From:     Human Capital Director
    To:       Personnel
    Subject:  Webcast of Motivational Interview

Management: So what can we do that will empower you and motivate you do your best work?

Minion: Well, I've always worked hard when I thought there would be good pay.

Management: Well, other than that.

Minion: OK, I've worked hard even if the pay sucked but there was a chance to better my position and advance or to get bonuses for work well done.

Management: Well, other than that.

Minion: Ummm, I'm motivated when I have challenging work to do.

Management: No can do. Other than that?

Minion: Ummm, I like it when I'm respected and given my own space.

Management: Sorry. Cubicles. Now can't we give you a nice workgroup or something to share in a group effort?

Minion: OK. Will the group have far-reaching effects?

Management: No. The group's efforts will be ignored, or you'll be given such a mundane or obscure objective that it won't matter.

Minion: Oh. Well, I've been motivated when I can have my work recognized and used by others.

Management: Sure. We'd love to do that. First, ditch everything you've been working on and start working on this.

Minion: Umm. OK. Will this new project be challenging, or let me express my ideas, and let me do creative work?

Management: Well, no, we just need you to fulfill the guidelines and complete the action items.

Minion: Action items? Whatever. Will my work on the "Action Items" be recognized or rewarded?

Management: Well, sure. But you'll probably be reassigned halfway through. And we have some exciting headcount cuts that we'll be announcing later that may affect you. We do have this nice coffee cup and coaster set to give you, though.

Minion: Umm. Thanks. I feel really motivated now.

Management: That's great. I'm so glad I was able to help!